Failing something stinks. When you fail a test in college, it can seem especially depressing because the stress of studying for multiple classes while maintaining a social life is already overwhelming. When someone you know bombed a test, you might not know how to comfort him, so we have compiled a list of five ways to support and uplift your friend.
(Pixabay / BhaktiCreative)
Listen
Probably the best thing you can do is to listen to your friend’s tale of woe, nod your head at the appropriate times, and offer a tissue when his eyes and nose start leaking. Just let him vent and tell you all about how much (or not enough) he studied, how important the test was, how unfair the teacher is, and the dismal projections for the rest of his life. You’ll likely see all five stages of grief if you’re quiet for long enough.
Even though you may have had a similar experience, try to keep your friend talking about himself and how failing this test made him feel. Be a shoulder to cry on, and for heaven’s sake, stay away from offering platitudes like, “Everything happens for a reason” or “It’ll be ok.” Those statements might end up being true, but it can be frustrating to hear them when failure is still fresh. Let him vent, but if he tends to wallow in self-pity, set a time limit on the vent sesh and move onto the next stage.
Encourage
Once your friend has shaken his fist at all of the world’s injustice, take some time to encourage him. Be genuine and thoughtful about your words, and remind him of his prior successes. Try not to compare him with yourself or other people in class when talking about failure and success, but you can remind him that plenty of successful people failed repeatedly. Some famous people you could mention in your pep talk include:
- Stephen King: His book “Carrie” was rejected by 30 publishers.
- Sir James Dyson: He made 5,126 attempts to create the bagless vacuum
- Oprah: She was fired from the television studio where she worked
- Van Gogh: He only sold one painting, and it was right before he died
If that doesn’t work, you can leave him with a token of wisdom from Charlie Chaplin: “Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.”
Set Up a Study Plan
Once all of the crying and uplifting is out of the way, you can get down to the business of helping him make a plan of action. Encourage him to look at his schedule and see if there are ways you can help free up some of his time so he can study more. You can also help him look up or create study groups to help in areas he’s lacking or find a tutor.
You can also assist him in clearing out a space where he can study free of distractions. If it’s at his dorm, it needs to be a clean, well-lit, uncluttered desk, and if it’s on campus, it needs to be quiet and consistently available.
Encourage him to schedule a meeting with his professor. Suggest he bring his study plan with him to the meeting and discuss with the professor how he has studied thus far. He should also ask for the possibility of a retake or alternative assignments to help boost his grade. One bombed test does not mean his academic career is down the toilet – professors often accommodate students who show that they are prepared and have a plan of action to achieve success in the future.
Provide Distraction
Of course, there is always the option to look for a distraction to help keep his mind off of things. Sometimes you just need to step away from a tree in order to see the forest, you know? Some things that could help distract him include:
- Doing service (many campuses have a service center where you can do quick service projects in between classes)
- Taking a walk
- Looking at cat videos on YouTube (really, who can’t be cheered up by this?)
- Finding funny memes
- Doing a workout video
- Texting, calling, or visiting family members
- Eating something healthy
- Making a new recipe
- Walking around a favorite store
As long as the distraction doesn’t take too long, it can be very therapeutic to step away from a stressful situation and focus on something else.
Eat Your Feelings
This last one should obviously happen in moderation and alongside other healthy stress relief techniques. As much as venting, making a plan, and getting distracted from your troubles can help ease your friend’s sorrows, sometimes he just needs a huge chocolate chip cookie and some milk to make him feel better. There is merit behind the idea that baking and eating cookies makes the world better, so don’t be afraid to break out the mixer and cookie sheets as you deal with a failed test together.
If you don’t live close enough to commiserate in person, you can always send comfort packages through a fresh cookie delivery service. The cookies arrive the same day or overnight depending on where he lives, and they are the next best thing to a warm hug to ease the pain of that blasted test.
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